Friday was a day filled with anxiety, tears, hope, and peace. It was the weirdest feeling getting ready to go to a funeral. Our daughter's funeral. Jason and I kept asking how the other was doing and just like the day we were preparing for her arrival, mentioned how it seemed like we were getting ready for just another day. We gathered up all of the items that were we going to set out as memories of Leah and left for the cemetery. As we were arriving, friends and family were already there.
We had chosen to have Leah's service outside in an open-air chapel inside of a huge mausoleum. There was no way that we could bring ourselves to do traditional funeral arrangements for such a special little girl. We got to work setting up the table with Leah's mementos: blanket, hat, dress, baptism certificate & holy water, cross, baby blocks spelling her name, her bunny from Bryce, her beautiful memorial candle, and a photo album from my pregnancy with her including a family photo shoot from the week before as well as a few pictures from the day she was born. We had 3 framed pictures - one of her feet holding our wedding rings and two of her just after she was born. The funeral home made a DVD set to music of photos that we had gathered that we played on a laptop. (Not too many people got to see this as they ushered everyone to their seats rather quickly. I'll try to see if there's any way I can upload it.) There were so many beautiful flowers sent by family and friends. The sky was blue, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and it was a cool, Spring, Florida day. An absolutely beautiful day.
Leah was not present at the service as we decided for her to be cremated. This was a very difficult decision for us (if you just think about what cremation actually is.) But it makes the most sense to us. We wouldn't be able to bear leaving her in Florida if we ever move elsewhere! She will be at home with us - her family - until we decide where her final resting place will be (Which will be with Jason and I when we decide where we're going to be.) We will have a memorial placed in the cemetery in a very peaceful place near a small waterfall. You have no idea how much trouble we put the funeral home/cemetery people through to get this memorial! We wanted a particular stone in a particular place and we were initially told that it was only sold with a larger stone that we had no interest in. So they wrote up a special order and asked permission and we had to wait... The day we went in to finalize Leah's service and arrangements (our 3rd visit), they "surprised" us by letting us know that our idea had been accepted. I don't know how exciting funeral arrangements can be, but it definitely made us happy that our little girl would have just what we thought would be perfect for her. I can't wait to be able to have a place (other than home) to bring her flowers and to sit and talk with her.
Back to the service... Jason and I were amazed at the amount of people who came to remember our Leah. I wasn't sure that anyone from work would be able to make it as the service was during the day, but was surprised to see 10 members of the faculty & administration were represented. Knowing the trouble that they had gone through to cover classes so those 10 could attend filled my heart with love. I received many messages from other co-workers saying that they wished they could've been there and I understand that they sacrificed staying at school to be with the kids:) Jason's co-workers and work family also surprised us with the number of people who made it to the service. There were several who even drove through the night to be at the service and then left directly after to make the 7 hour drive home.
As the priest began the service, he called Leah - "Lay-uh." We thought maybe he would correct himself, but every time her said her name it was "Lay-uh." I caught my sister's eye, who had caught Jason's eye, and we all shared a little giggle. From that point on, every time he said her name, we all grinned a little bit. After the priest was finished with his readings, he called my sister, Kristen, up to read Leah's book, "God Gave Us You." She made us so proud. We had initially asked a family friend to read figuring it would be too hard for Kristen, but she insisted that she be the one to read it. It was during the book reading that Bryce decided it was time for him to get down. (He wanted to go up to Leah's things and to Kristen.) So the same friend that was going to read, distracted Bryce:) As Kristen was reading, I cried recounting the experience of being pregnant with Leah and how special it was and how excited we were. But the part of the book that gives us the most peace, is the end when it says that the baby "knew God, knew that her parents hadn't wanted any baby but her, and that God gave us (Leah)!"
When the service concluded, we asked everyone to gather outside for a butterfly release. I was very nervous about whether this was going to work or not as I had never done it before. We were just happy to have the butterflies there as it almost didn't happen. (The funeral home was going to try and get them for us, but the person they used to get them from wasn't reliable anymore. I had three companies that I had found online that I tried Thursday afternoon and only one called me back. Then, we needed to make sure that they were going to be delivered on time. He assured me they would be. They arrived at 7:30 the following morning!) I was worried that we didn't set them in the sunlight long enough and that they weren't going to be warm enough to fly (they're shipped chilled). Thankfully, one of the guys from the funeral home had been keeping an eye on them and made sure they were fluttering and ready. As Jason, Bryce, and I walked out, everyone had gathered in a semi-circle and we walked out to the middle. I was hoping that we'd just untie the box, place it on the ground, lift the lid, and the butterflies would take flight. However, they were a little scared. So we knelt down and helped them out one-by-one... Bryce wanted to help but as he was about to stick his hand in the box, got a bit scared and decided to just watch. The last three didn't want to leave... so we eased them out and watched them off. Jason and I then were looking at each other as to how to end everything, when Bryce started clapping and saying "YAY!"
We got a chance to talk to everyone and give hugs and thank everyone for showing their support of our family through the past 8 months and for celebrating Leah's life with us! Thank you again to everyone (those that were present at the service as well as those who wanted to be present) for all of the support you've given us - it certainly has helped us through these tough times. Though it was a day filled with anxiety, tears, and hope, we found peace. Leah's service was beautiful and went better than we had imagined. We were surrounded by the love of family & friends and know that Leah is surrounded by God's love.
We had chosen to have Leah's service outside in an open-air chapel inside of a huge mausoleum. There was no way that we could bring ourselves to do traditional funeral arrangements for such a special little girl. We got to work setting up the table with Leah's mementos: blanket, hat, dress, baptism certificate & holy water, cross, baby blocks spelling her name, her bunny from Bryce, her beautiful memorial candle, and a photo album from my pregnancy with her including a family photo shoot from the week before as well as a few pictures from the day she was born. We had 3 framed pictures - one of her feet holding our wedding rings and two of her just after she was born. The funeral home made a DVD set to music of photos that we had gathered that we played on a laptop. (Not too many people got to see this as they ushered everyone to their seats rather quickly. I'll try to see if there's any way I can upload it.) There were so many beautiful flowers sent by family and friends. The sky was blue, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and it was a cool, Spring, Florida day. An absolutely beautiful day.
Leah was not present at the service as we decided for her to be cremated. This was a very difficult decision for us (if you just think about what cremation actually is.) But it makes the most sense to us. We wouldn't be able to bear leaving her in Florida if we ever move elsewhere! She will be at home with us - her family - until we decide where her final resting place will be (Which will be with Jason and I when we decide where we're going to be.) We will have a memorial placed in the cemetery in a very peaceful place near a small waterfall. You have no idea how much trouble we put the funeral home/cemetery people through to get this memorial! We wanted a particular stone in a particular place and we were initially told that it was only sold with a larger stone that we had no interest in. So they wrote up a special order and asked permission and we had to wait... The day we went in to finalize Leah's service and arrangements (our 3rd visit), they "surprised" us by letting us know that our idea had been accepted. I don't know how exciting funeral arrangements can be, but it definitely made us happy that our little girl would have just what we thought would be perfect for her. I can't wait to be able to have a place (other than home) to bring her flowers and to sit and talk with her.
Back to the service... Jason and I were amazed at the amount of people who came to remember our Leah. I wasn't sure that anyone from work would be able to make it as the service was during the day, but was surprised to see 10 members of the faculty & administration were represented. Knowing the trouble that they had gone through to cover classes so those 10 could attend filled my heart with love. I received many messages from other co-workers saying that they wished they could've been there and I understand that they sacrificed staying at school to be with the kids:) Jason's co-workers and work family also surprised us with the number of people who made it to the service. There were several who even drove through the night to be at the service and then left directly after to make the 7 hour drive home.
As the priest began the service, he called Leah - "Lay-uh." We thought maybe he would correct himself, but every time her said her name it was "Lay-uh." I caught my sister's eye, who had caught Jason's eye, and we all shared a little giggle. From that point on, every time he said her name, we all grinned a little bit. After the priest was finished with his readings, he called my sister, Kristen, up to read Leah's book, "God Gave Us You." She made us so proud. We had initially asked a family friend to read figuring it would be too hard for Kristen, but she insisted that she be the one to read it. It was during the book reading that Bryce decided it was time for him to get down. (He wanted to go up to Leah's things and to Kristen.) So the same friend that was going to read, distracted Bryce:) As Kristen was reading, I cried recounting the experience of being pregnant with Leah and how special it was and how excited we were. But the part of the book that gives us the most peace, is the end when it says that the baby "knew God, knew that her parents hadn't wanted any baby but her, and that God gave us (Leah)!"
When the service concluded, we asked everyone to gather outside for a butterfly release. I was very nervous about whether this was going to work or not as I had never done it before. We were just happy to have the butterflies there as it almost didn't happen. (The funeral home was going to try and get them for us, but the person they used to get them from wasn't reliable anymore. I had three companies that I had found online that I tried Thursday afternoon and only one called me back. Then, we needed to make sure that they were going to be delivered on time. He assured me they would be. They arrived at 7:30 the following morning!) I was worried that we didn't set them in the sunlight long enough and that they weren't going to be warm enough to fly (they're shipped chilled). Thankfully, one of the guys from the funeral home had been keeping an eye on them and made sure they were fluttering and ready. As Jason, Bryce, and I walked out, everyone had gathered in a semi-circle and we walked out to the middle. I was hoping that we'd just untie the box, place it on the ground, lift the lid, and the butterflies would take flight. However, they were a little scared. So we knelt down and helped them out one-by-one... Bryce wanted to help but as he was about to stick his hand in the box, got a bit scared and decided to just watch. The last three didn't want to leave... so we eased them out and watched them off. Jason and I then were looking at each other as to how to end everything, when Bryce started clapping and saying "YAY!"
We got a chance to talk to everyone and give hugs and thank everyone for showing their support of our family through the past 8 months and for celebrating Leah's life with us! Thank you again to everyone (those that were present at the service as well as those who wanted to be present) for all of the support you've given us - it certainly has helped us through these tough times. Though it was a day filled with anxiety, tears, and hope, we found peace. Leah's service was beautiful and went better than we had imagined. We were surrounded by the love of family & friends and know that Leah is surrounded by God's love.
2 comments:
What a special service for a special angel! I know Leah and Avery are in heaven now becoming best friends!
Eric and I are so heartbroken for you and Jason. Your famiy is in our prayers! We read God Gave us You to Avery as well :)
I totally understand your thoughts on cremation as we did the same for Avery. If you have a facebook you can find me as Becky Tran Coley, we have a bunch of pictures posted of Avery and her urn. If you haven't ordered yours yet it may give you an idea of what you may or may not want.
I would love to talk to you as you get the chance. I've had a lot of other women reach out who have lost a child but none with this skeletal dysplasia. If you have a facebook you can contact me that way and if not my email is beckycoley@gmail.com.
Again, we are praying for you, for strength, comfort, and hope. You will be joined with her again! What a glorious day that will be!
I'm sorry for the loss of your precious Leah. Sending you love and prayers
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