Dear Family, Friends, and fellow Bloggers,
Tomorrow is the day that we FINALLY get to meet Baby Leah! It is with excited anticipation and bittersweet understanding that I post this message tonight. I had an ultrasound on Friday afternoon which confirmed my levels were too high. The Doctor had set a "target" of 40 a few weeks ago, and the levels were slowly rising, so I really didn't think they'd be much higher this week. When the u/s tech told me that the fluid was at 41 1/2, tears started rolling down my cheeks. She told me that she'd seen higher & that everything would be okay. I told her that the Doctor had set a target of 40 due to my previous c-section and not wanting to cause a rupture. She apologized many times and told me how sorry she was.
When my Doctor came into the room, the first thing she said was, "How's Monday?" After picking my jaw back up from the floor, I responded, "too soon." She explained that she would've done it this weekend, but she wasn't personally available to do it. She also repeated several times that if I started having contractions or my water broke to go to the hospital immediately and have them call her and she'd try her best to make it. (Funny story: Last week when my husband was out of town, I thought my water broke in the middle of the night causing him to drive 3 hours home at 2:00am. I had to call a wonderful friend in the middle of the night to have her husband stay at my house with Bryce as she took me to the hospital. I had my sister on stand-by to fly down here on the first flight out. All to find out that it was a false alarm! The good news is that our emergency plan worked... (she says blushing with embarrassment and a grin). Back to Friday... So the Doctor's office still hasn't heard back from the Skeletal Dysplasia registry to see if we can send cord blood to use for their research of TD. And now we're not sure if we can donate any of Leah's organs because she'll be premature. The Doctor did tell me again that she'd get me home ASAP as long as I "behaved."
The planning frenzy began once Jason got home. We called work to tell them we wouldn't be there on Monday, started figuring out who was coming in town and when, contacting the Doula, the funeral home, and anyone else that needed to be involved.
Right now, we are having anxiety over not being with Bryce for a night for the first time in 18 months. I'm sure that will go away, but it's really killing us inside. He will be staying at our house with his Godparents, going to school to keep his routine, and coming to visit us in the evenings. (That's the plan for now... we'll see how he takes it.) He will be there when Leah is born and I hope that he takes some interest in her!
I think we're ready to face tomorrow, but we know that it's not going to be easy, no matter what happens. We have anticipated the worst from day 1, so not to have our hopes up, but know that God does grant miracles. So please say a prayer for us - for strength & clear and unselfish decision making. Please pray for the Doctors & Nurses whose skilled hands and judgement will be counted on by us. Please pray for Leah - that she not suffer and that she may know how much she is loved!
Thank you to everyone for their support and prayers!
Tomorrow is the day that we FINALLY get to meet Baby Leah! It is with excited anticipation and bittersweet understanding that I post this message tonight. I had an ultrasound on Friday afternoon which confirmed my levels were too high. The Doctor had set a "target" of 40 a few weeks ago, and the levels were slowly rising, so I really didn't think they'd be much higher this week. When the u/s tech told me that the fluid was at 41 1/2, tears started rolling down my cheeks. She told me that she'd seen higher & that everything would be okay. I told her that the Doctor had set a target of 40 due to my previous c-section and not wanting to cause a rupture. She apologized many times and told me how sorry she was.
When my Doctor came into the room, the first thing she said was, "How's Monday?" After picking my jaw back up from the floor, I responded, "too soon." She explained that she would've done it this weekend, but she wasn't personally available to do it. She also repeated several times that if I started having contractions or my water broke to go to the hospital immediately and have them call her and she'd try her best to make it. (Funny story: Last week when my husband was out of town, I thought my water broke in the middle of the night causing him to drive 3 hours home at 2:00am. I had to call a wonderful friend in the middle of the night to have her husband stay at my house with Bryce as she took me to the hospital. I had my sister on stand-by to fly down here on the first flight out. All to find out that it was a false alarm! The good news is that our emergency plan worked... (she says blushing with embarrassment and a grin). Back to Friday... So the Doctor's office still hasn't heard back from the Skeletal Dysplasia registry to see if we can send cord blood to use for their research of TD. And now we're not sure if we can donate any of Leah's organs because she'll be premature. The Doctor did tell me again that she'd get me home ASAP as long as I "behaved."
The planning frenzy began once Jason got home. We called work to tell them we wouldn't be there on Monday, started figuring out who was coming in town and when, contacting the Doula, the funeral home, and anyone else that needed to be involved.
Right now, we are having anxiety over not being with Bryce for a night for the first time in 18 months. I'm sure that will go away, but it's really killing us inside. He will be staying at our house with his Godparents, going to school to keep his routine, and coming to visit us in the evenings. (That's the plan for now... we'll see how he takes it.) He will be there when Leah is born and I hope that he takes some interest in her!
I think we're ready to face tomorrow, but we know that it's not going to be easy, no matter what happens. We have anticipated the worst from day 1, so not to have our hopes up, but know that God does grant miracles. So please say a prayer for us - for strength & clear and unselfish decision making. Please pray for the Doctors & Nurses whose skilled hands and judgement will be counted on by us. Please pray for Leah - that she not suffer and that she may know how much she is loved!
Thank you to everyone for their support and prayers!
10 comments:
Hi, my name is Angie and I lost my baby daughter last January. I just wanted to leave a small note to let you know I am praying for you and your family. (I am a friend of Danielle.)
I am really sorry that you have to go through this. I am new to your blog. Sending you many prayers for strength. I pray that Leah will be strong enough to make it through the c-section. My heart is broken for you ((HUGS))
I wish I had the “right” words to leave here, but they seem to be escaping me right now.
What I do want you and your family to know is that you all have been on our minds and in our prayers for some time now and today we continue to pray for comfort and strength, for guidance and peace.
Baby Leah has blessed not only your family but those whose hearts you have touched in the classroom and via your blog. And Baby Leah has been blessed to have such wonderful, loving parents and big brother. Your love for her resonates throughout your words on your blog; I can’t imagine how much more powerful that love is that she feels within you.
While your story has been heartbreaking, it also has been amazing and inspirational, your strength and courage are a true testimony to the Christian faith; thank you for allowing us to be a part of that journey.
Our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all. God bless.
Kathleen Grainger and Family (Colton Grainger, 4th grade)
Its Dfry...Diana from arbys...God bless both of you and Leah...everything happens for a reason and she is meant to feel your love in this itty bitty lifetime of hers...you are in my prayers.
My heart is heavy but my faith is strong that you will get through this with the same strength and grace that you have already shown up to this point. Know that love, hugs, prayers, and a strong shoulder is here whenever you need it. (I also have some meals made for when you get out of the hospital). (((Giant Hugs))) and loads of prayers are coming your way!!
XOXO
Dolores
Praying for your family. God bless you baby Leah....
Kim and Jason,
I just found out Saturday night about what was happening. Yesterday I got the address for your blog and I read it all the way through. My hearts ached for what you have been going through. I cried when I read it. I talked to your mom tonight and am so glad that you got the time you were praying for. I know how precious that must be to you. I am so glad to know that you are alright.
Much love,
Your cousin Jen
Praising God for the time you had with sweet baby Leah. I can not even begin to imagine. Lifting you both in prayer.
We love you Kim, Jason & Bryce. Our thoughts and hearts are with you. Leah is in our prayers along with you. One little angel in heaven. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Dave.
thankyou fot sharing your story with me today kim. it was an honor that you allowed me to see leahs story.my thoughts are with you and your family.
god bless!christine
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