Day 11

Day 11: It is said that Fathers and Mothers grieve differently. Do you feel that that this is true with your Angel's father?

Yes.

I really feel that we went through the grieving process twice. The first was aiafter Leah's diagnosis. And the second, I think will be around for a while, quite possibly the rest of our lives.

I think a lot about the way that we handled our grief had to do with the way we were raised. Church and faith was a huge part of my upbringing, not so much for him. When we married, he kind of just adopted my faith and what we believe in as he began to learn what it was all about. Even though Jason was the one who said after the initial ultrasound that "God will not give us more than we can handle," I was the one who put it all in God's hands. I don't know how I did it, but for me that was comforting. For him, I think it caused a lot of anger. From what seems to be a theme among men, they don't like to show emotion and they like to fix things. I think my husband (who is an amazing "fixer") was at a loss because there was nothing that he or anyone else could do to fix this "problem." I think it was much more difficult for him to talk about because it did affect him so deeply, like nothing he'd (we'd) ever experienced. We talked about a lot of things together and he ALWAYS listened to me when I wanted to talk about Leah or the situation. I have definitely seen my husband grow and change in the past year and half and all for the better.

As a family we have come much closer to God and much more connected to our faith. Our marriage has become much stronger due to the fact that we know we can tell each other anything and get through any situation - because nothing will ever be as hard as making life or death decisions for our daughter followed by funeral arrangements. He has continued to be a loving father to not just Bryce, but Leah as well (Parenting a child who's in Heaven is not an easy task!) And I can't wait to see him with our Rainbow Baby for the first time! She will most definitely be "Daddy's (other) Girl."