Days 1-3 (Catching Up!)

Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.

I never thought that this would be a hard question to answer... until we lost Leah.

My whole world got turned up-side-down.

I used to know who I was.

I honestly just don't know anymore.

On Mother's Day this past year, the priest giving the sermon, mentioned all Mom's: Those that had children, those that were expecting children, and those that lost children.

At that point - I was all 3.

Such conflicting emotions in all of those aspects of Motherhood.

Proud. Excited. Devastated.

Who am I - I'll just keep it simple:

wife, teacher, sister, daughter, friend, Catholic, and last - but most important

MOMMY!!

Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.

Bryce - 3 years old

Love of my life, my sunshine each and every day, most amazing little guy I know, spoiled rotten,

intelligent, funny, witty, fun, loving, caring, energetic, athletic

most AMAZING Big Brother.

Leah - would be 18 months

Most precious little girl, our "Angel" baby,
gave me more strength than I ever knew I had,
brought us so much closer to the Lord,
still letting us know each and every day that she is still with us.

The most strong and mighty "little person" I've ever met!

Baby "Princess" - 30 weeks in utero

Our gift from God, our hope, and she will totally keep the "Princess" title once she arrives!

Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?

I definitely can't pick just one. So many people have been so wonderful to our family through our grieving process both after finding out Leah's fatal diagnosis and after her passing. Many friends still ask how we are doing and they really mean it. There is nothing that I appreciate more than someone mentioning Leah's name or allowing me to mention her.

My husband - probably deals with my emotions the most and always allows me to cry (even though he hates to see it) and talk about Leah. He goes along with all of my crazy ideas and things that I want to do to remember Leah.

My two best friends since grade school - we spend hours on the phone together each week. One was a psychology major with me and uses her degree in counseling to make sure to always check in with me and my emotions and how I have been handling things along the way. She is the one who bought me baby loss books to read and books for Bryce explaining baby loss. The other has experienced loss as a miscarriage right before we found out Leah's diagnosis. We were grieving at the same time, holding each other up, and getting each other through the rough times. We talk about our babies that are now in Heaven often and without fear of being judged by the other.

Our Hospice Counselor - She has been amazing at validating my feelings both before and after the loss of Leah and even now during this pregnancy. It's a great feeling to know that I can turn to someone who has dealt with other Moms who have gone through this struggle. Even though I usually end up crying my eyes out at some point - I always feel better when I leave.

My sister - She was the first family member we told about Leah and her diagnosis, she asked her professors at her university for reference materials for us (She's an OT major.), she was here for Bryce when I was in the hospital having Leah, and read "God Gave Us You" at Leah's service. She always listened to my hopes and fears.

Baby Loss Mommys: No one understands the loss of a child, like another mother - plain and simple. I have never met some of these women, but by reading their blogs, emailing, and messaging - there is always a connection and an understanding. There is a sense of belonging.