Day 4

Day 4: Through your grief process, what has kept you going?

I think the main thing that has kept us going throughout our grieving process has been knowing that we did everything we could for Leah and being comfortable with the decisions we've made.

We have NO regrets.

We did not take her diagnosis as a death sentence, hence not terminating the pregnancy.

Being given Leah's fatal diagnosis at 19 weeks, was our starting point for making the most of her brief life.

We began our meetings with genetic counselors, doctors, neonatologists, perinatologists, etc. to find out just what the expectations were for her life and what limitations she'd have if she survived longer than expected. None of the information we received was good. We decided at that point that the best thing we could do for her was to make her last moments on Earth free of pain and full of love.

We were comfortable with each and every decision we made based on the facts we'd researched and gathered from our team of doctors.

We then made it a point to make as many memories with Leah as we could. We celebrated holidays, special events, and even little moments with her as though she were already here with us. We took tons of photos of my growing my belly, had professional maternity "family" pictures taken, and even did a 3D/4D ultrasound and video to keep as cherished memories. We have cards from holidays, gifts from friends, and the memories of reading to her, singing to her, and patting and kissing (Bryce especially) my belly. We even plaster casted my belly in hopes of having it painted someday with her name and butterflies! (We have a few women locally who do this through one of the hospitals!) We were lucky enough to have a NILMDTS photographer present at Leah's birth to capture each and every moment! We set her handprints and footprints in plaster as well as inking them onto cardstock thanks to our Doula from the amazing Hospice program in our area. We also have the most amazing video of our sweet girl crying!! - something we never thought we'd get to hear, let alone have a permanent recording of.

After Leah was gone, knowing that we had no regrets and knowing that we did everything we could to make her brief life comfortable and painless brought us comfort.

It still does and I feel it always will.

In the mess of losing Leah, everything seemed to fall into place in one way or another. Knowing that God was with us every step of the way, made it easier to handle. We didn't know His plan or why He was taking her from us too soon, but we kept our faith in Him. It was the only thing we could know for certain - that He was in control.

We also found out what an amazing support system we have!! Thanks to family and friends we know that Leah's life will never be forgotten and that we are surrounded by people who may not "understand" all of our emotions, but continue to be supportive!

Such blessings!